indecisive

I almost blame myself.

How can I help it that the separation is for the best? My conscience rebelling against my feelings for you both, my secret desire to let you know, and my shaking cowardice standing aside a need to speak my mind. When my moment comes, there is not courage enough to supplement the difference of belief. I cave into the bosom of denial and bitter self-loathing. And Someone covered for me; taking matters out of my district and bestowing justified calamity to help sort out my conscience, and rectify a state of pristine truthfulness. I rejoice and grieve, feeling treacherous that I can do both or either. Now, I read words to others that I did not write, and bury deep any spark of what I was about to say. It will continue with me unannounced, even though it should have been.

ever so random

I am a Tom Sawyer, not a Huck Finn. So is the Scotty. Meaning that instead of living life on the wild, extreme, I-will-just-run-away-from-home-and-see-where-I-end-up side, we are more cautious and rational, talk people into doing stuff we are hesitant to do; or talk ourselves out of stuff we have done ;). I do confess that sometimes I'm slightly envious of you Huck Finns out there with your spontaneous, screw-the-results attitude. You lead an adventurous life but while I may join in at times, there's just no way I could live my life like that: glorious and irresponsible. Yeah, life is a bowl of cherries. But Juicy Juice can be cool sometimes too. *wink*

The 9 key keeps sticking on my register. I got 2 over-rings today because of it. NOT happy.

Speaking of which, I should catch some sleep. must be at work in 5 hours. Silly me.


Currently Listening:
Veinte Anos by Buena Vista Social Club

hello dearies.
So my bestest and dearest friend leaves for boot camp tomorrow at 9am. yeah. I've cried so much today (which isn't tooooo much, because I am Sara). I'm excited that she will gain new friends and life experience. And I don't feel the least bit selfish in wanting her here with me. I just wish it wasn't so soon. Well, it's not like we haven't known forever when this would happen. But still, it's too soon. too soon.
This is a fair warning that there may be some horribly depressing, verging-on-emo posts coming up. feel free to comment and cheer me up!!!

:)